Dearest Marcos

I still remember the day we’ve met – Orientation for LLM students back in 2014. You wore a friendly face and had a good natured character that I was immediately drawn to you. You became my very first friend in Loyola.

Going to graduate school after 8 years of never touching a single text book was difficult but I survived it because you were there to burn oils with, to have breaks with, and to just be an imperfect human being with. You made grad school bearable because of your friendship and support.

We’d only been friends for three years but it was as if we’d known each other for a very, very long time because going through hell and back ( in lawschool and for the bar exams) do that. Alister, yourself and I were inseparable during the first bar review – studying, online shopping, eating, trying new study music, despairing over the classes, tying our darndest to focus… Nobody would understand the bond that friends who went through lawschool and bar exam reviews together develop with each other except those who were actually there. The three of us had that bond.

So how do I say goodbye to you? How do I say goodbye to a friend who I was just group texting with Alister about new gadgets on Cyber Monday? How do I stop myself from dialling your number when I’m stuck in traffic and need a friend to talk to? Who do I joke about Alister’s crazy antics now? What about our plan to go to Mexico with Stephen and Alister sometime in 2018? What about the drink you owe me for greeting me three days after my actual birthday? What about our seemingly insane plans of opening our own law firm when Alister gets sworn in and I pass the bar?

It is just so difficult to accept that you are forever gone, that I won’t receive random text messages or calls from you anymore, that we won’t see you any longer. It is heartbreaking to just know you are not here anymore.

Thank you, Marcos. Thank you for your kind words and support when my world was crumbling down, for the continuous encouragement and faith when I felt like my dreams were out of reach, for pushing me to not stop trying but most of all, for the friendship and care.

Your friends in Loyola will help in any way we can to assist your family and help find justice for you. You would have been my lifetime friend and even if you are now in heaven, you will always remain in our memories and hearts. Rest in peace, my dear friend.





Photos are great but not when it makes you sad because of all the great memories that you know will just remain memories.  I know nobody knows the future but if one has little faith that things will work out, it makes the other feel as hopeless.

So for now, I removed these photos from my desk, wall and computer. Maybe one day I will be able to look at them without feeling this incredible sadness and I will be alright. 


So how do you piece back together parts of your broken spirit?  It seems like there is no way.

I have never experienced this kind of pain before where it feels like it isn’t just your heart that’s broken but also your whole being and even your soul.  And to some point, I know that is also how he feels, like a broken toy.

Every inch of me wants to give up yet I don’t know if I can live with myself knowing I just walked away without a fight.  😦