Goodbye

Iit was gloomy outside. The sky seemed so heavy and I was anticipating a dark afternoon… and darker times ahead as I dialed Jonas’s number. It had been a stressful and heavy loaded week for both of us. I knew he was tired and I was too. He answered on the seventh or eighth ring and I summoned all the courage left in me to tell him. He didn’t expect it to come, at least not today – our 10th month together.  I didn’t plan it either but I knew that if I hold on too long, I would just continue to brainwash myself that everything would be fine when it was far from the truth.

So I told him and I was surprised that I was calm.  He was too.  He asked me if that was what I wanted and if I was sure of my decision.  My voice quivered with my answer – yes, which was almost inaudible.  I knew it broke him but it was starting to sink in at me.  I knew that I was being true to myself and then, I cried. I cried while saying our goodbyes, while he told me to take care, while I reminded him of his plans… it was not a “good” bye.  In reality, there was nothing good about the word but we had to say it – while we were still intact. 

I love him still or I prolly think this was love… there was no point in denying it and it was only fair that I let him have his peace even if it meant breaking a piece of my own heart…

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